Things I Learned in Europe

Last month I accompanied Coke Bust on their first European tour. I had a great time, met a lot of cool people, went a lot of cool places. I kept a journal with me, and wrote about each day. Rather than bore you with a long Tour Diary post, here's a list of things I learned abroad.

-Europeans think I'm fat
-Coke Bust covering Youth of Today with me on vocals was better than the "real YOT" which toured Germany the month before
-Squats in Germany are better organized than some legit venues
-The food we got for free that people made for us at shows was better than the food we paid for in restaurants
-Poland is 10% on fire at all times
-Most stereotypes I had of Europeans were all absolutely true
-Hostels aren't as creepy as I assumed they would be, and were actually quite pleasant
-European punks take things more seriously, and there are a lot more older people at shows there.
-The ban we have on indoor smoking in the USA is a good idea
-British people have a real snarky attitude, which rules
-Breakfast of bread and various spreads is common
-Soda tastes way better there, since they use sugar instead of corn syrup.
-Jubert can lose all of his clothes, and come home with nicer ones for free
-In Poland, prostitutes hang out in the woods wearing coats in the afternoon
-The hookers in the Red Light District are mediocre looking at best
-Sheep are more common than trees in the UK
-Pizza in northern/ eastern Europe is terrible (corn? really?)
-Nico is the coolest guy in all of Europe
-Dierk has the coolest stuff in all of Europe
-The British really are into tea (with milk and sugar of course)
-"Brown Sauce" is a staple in a proper British breakfast; it goes well with beans on toast.
-If regular haggis is as good as vegan haggis, I wanna try it
-Belgians will make you waffles if you ask nicely
-There aren't many skin byrds in the UK
-Don't brag about you encounter with a skin byrd on Facebook, it makes your girlfriend very mad.
-Coke Bust severely overestimated the European straight edge scene from a t-shirt sales perspective.
-Jubert loves soda, and gets real sassy after 2
-Germans love to play kicker (fooseball) at shows
-The phrase "Good Night White Pride" can be funny when said like "Good Night John Boy"
-Some European urinals are like a horse trough
-Some European toilets have the "poo shelf" which keeps the poo out of water, and keeps it stinky. Not backed
-Burritos in Germany are just as bad as you'd assume they'd be
-German rest stops expect you to pay .70 Euro to use the toilet, but you can pee outside for free
-It's way easier to steal stuff in Europe
-UK showers have no water pressure
-Fish and Chips tastes just like I assumed it would: greasy and delicious
-Donner kabob (sort of like a gyro in the US) is pretty damn tasty
-Schnitzel is pretty damn shitty
-Robert Refuse is the Nick Baran of Europe
-Europe has a much better selection of bootleg LPs
-The landscape of most of Europe looks like northern Pennsylvania
-The Czech Republic has a tourist trap rest area similar to South of the Border
-The Anti-Fascista movement is 90% stickers
-Eastern Europe really over compensates for the whole nazi thing
-There are 5 black people in all of Europe, which makes the white pride movement even more ridiculous
-Top 3 bands we played with: Ruidosa Inmundicia, Sick Fuckin-O, Short Fuse
-Top 3 songs of tour: "Bed Intruder Song," "Ba Ba Americano," "Teenage Dream"
-Nico used to mosh hard at shows, and earned the nickname "the Butcher" in the pit
-South Park is possibly the best American export
-Hearing English people talk with American accents is hilarious
-"Handy" and "Blowy" are (or at least should be) new British slang for sexual acts
-Nico is a better wingman than Nicktape
-Swedish people like to talk about how cold it is, or will get
-Most European shows take place in bars, or places with bars, which maybe gives the sXe stance more meaningful there
-Bands get paid better, and treated nicer in Europe than America
-Punks carry tote bags to shows for their records; I support this
-Vita Cola is the best soda in Europe, followed closely by Mezzo Mix. Both are orange flavored cola
-Sleeping on a tile kitchen floor is just as uncomfortable as you would think
-Chris at all times travels with at least 4 layers of clothing
-There are no fat people in Amsterdam
-Most of Amsterdam travels by bicycle, including women in short skirts. BACKED
-Seeing Coke Bust 21 days in a row didn't get boring
-Germans love David Hasselhoff